Thursday, October 21, 2010

How do I know?

I don't have photos to post this time, because this is not about something I have completed or something I am physically working on. This is about something I am wondering about.

The biggest thing art has done for me, is bring me self-awareness. I don't even know how to fully describe it- it's like being awakened after a long, deep sleep.

Since moving here, I have been awake, aware- but I always have this feeling there is more. The problem is, I spent the first 40 years of my life ignoring my inner voice, not trusting myself or my judgement, not believing that I have anything worth saying.

That has changed since I married my husband and moved here to be with him. I have been here, in the US, in this marriage, in our home, for over two years now and I feel gloriously excited, because I know I am on the right path for me. I do have something to say, and I have so many ways to say it. I want to trust myself, if I can only figure out how to know when to really listen!

But how do I know when my inner voice is telling me I need to do something specific because it is where I NEED to be, and not just something that I WANT to do because now I can?

How do I learn to listen and really understand that voice, that intuition, the one that really knows what road is mine right now?

What approach do I take? Do what is calling to me and trust/hope that it is right? Do nothing because I can rationalize myself out of it, or find a reason why I can't do it? I am just afraid of wasting time on the wrong thing. I have already spent a lifetime doing that! lol

Maybe it's best to take that leap of faith and do what feels right. What is the worst that can happen? I learn something? I find the right road while I am on an interim one? Neither of those things sound very negative, do they?

Maybe if I can bring myself to be more open about learning- not only techniques, but about ME and what makes me tick, I will be able to create what a friend of mine calls Soul-Work, and I will be better equipped to deal with the emotional issues that need to be addressed in this household.

Okay- so when I look at it THAT way- what wouldn't I do to get there?